


Roll with the Punches

by Seito



Category: Katekyou Hitman Reborn!
Genre: Crack, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-07
Updated: 2017-06-22
Packaged: 2018-11-10 04:33:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,372
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11120001
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Seito/pseuds/Seito
Summary: Takeshi, not Tsuna, is the straight man, the sane one of the series. This changes everything (and yet nothing at all).





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I wouldn't resist.
> 
> For leinbow. 8D

Takeshi met Tsuna when they were just seven years old. It wasn't hard to miss Tsuna, short and fluffy looking. Tsuna was a shy kid, the only other boy not partnered up for their small gardening project.

"I wish I was a gardening robot," Tsuna said as he looked at the limp looking plant he was holding. A week of taking care of plant with Takeshi and this was what was produced.

"I don't think that's going to help," Takeshi said, wincing as a leaf fell off. The poor plant didn't look very good. Maybe they overwater it?

"It might have!"

Frankly, Takeshi found Tsuna to be a little odd. Not that Takeshi would ever tell Tsuna that. It was rude according to his mother. But strange indeed. Takeshi couldn't really describe exactly how Tsuna was strange, it was like his head was screwed on just a little too much to the left.

But strange as Tsuna was, he was very nice and Takeshi found himself a friend in Tsuna.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

"Takeshi help!"

Takeshi stared up the tree. There in the highest branches was Tsuna, staring down at him. Takeshi had only gone to the bathroom! "How did you even get up there?"

Tsuna scowled. "There was this puppy. One day I'm going to smite them all."

Takeshi felt a brief wave of horror wash over them. "But they're puppies!" Puppies were the best things ever. How could Tsuna think of smiting them? (How did Tsuna even know the word smite? Takeshi made a mental note to ask his mother about the word. He didn't know the exact meaning but it sounded bad.)

"Still agents of evil!"

Tsuna was so strange.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

Three months after Takeshi met Tsuna, his beloved mother passed away. He tried to smile like his father asked him to, tried to find a way to move on without his guiding light. It was so hard, so overwhelming, but Takeshi had to try, try and pretend things were normal.

"Hi Tsuna!" Takeshi said with false cheer. He waved as Tsuna approached the desk they shared.

Tsuna merely looked at him before taking a seat next to him, pressing close. "It's okay to cry," Tsuna said.

Takeshi felt the dam of his tears collapse and he bowed his head, crying. "I-I miss her s-so much!" he sobbed into Tsuna's shoulder. Tsuna just held him close.

That was the day that Tsuna solidified his and Takeshi's friendship.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

As Takeshi previously mentioned, Tsuna was a little strange. He figured Tsuna must get it from his mother.

"Oh so cute! I had no idea that my silly dame son had such a cute friend," Sawada Nana cooed over Takeshi.

Takeshi tilted his head, already wary over the way how Nana called Tsuna her silly dame son. He couldn't really believe that Nana was calling Tsuna that, not when Tsuna immediately looked down at his feet in response. He was pretty sure your parents weren't supposed to call children names. It was rather mean. If Takeshi wasn't supposed to call Tsuna strange per his mother's polite manners instructions, what did it mean when Tsuna's own mother called him names?

He frowned when Tsuna suddenly bounced back, agreeing that he was indeed a dame person.

Right.

Clearly Takeshi had to be more careful with his handling of Tsuna. Someone was going to take advantage of his friend, he just knew it.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

"Dad, teach me the sword," Takeshi asked.

Tsuyoshi blinked, surprised. He rubbed his chin, surveying his eight-year-old son. "Why do you want to learn?"

Takeshi frowned. He thought of the bullies that teased and picked fights with Tsuna. He thought of Sawada Nana and her even stranger personality. He thought about the crazy situations that Tsuna got himself into. "Tsuna is gonna need a lot of protecting," Takeshi said. He paused, tilting his head. "Also, can Tsuna sleepover?"

Tsuyoshi laughed. "Sure thing."

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

Six years later, Takeshi finally had a good word to describe Tsuna's strangeness.

Insane.

It was a good word. Perfect to describe the situation that Tsuna led himself into. (Takeshi left Tsuna by himself only for the night! How did this happen?!)

"I'm going to become a mafia boss, Takeshi!" Tsuna proudly announced.

Takeshi looked at him in horror, mouth hanging slack. "A mafia boss?" he repeated faintly. He instantly started imagining guns and bullets, Tsuna dressed in a black suit and ordering off someone to be killed.

"Yup!" Tsuna said. "Dad's apparently a mafioso and if I become boss, he'll become my underling!"

Takeshi felt his heart constrict. "No, Tsuna," he tried. "You don't want to become a mafia boss." It was like the robot incident all over again. Clearly Tsuna wasn't thinking this through. His gentle friend be a bloodthirsty mafia boss? No. Absolutely not. "Tsuna, it's a bad idea."

Tsuna pouted. "I think it's a good idea!"

Oh god. Someone help him.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

Takeshi was pretty certain he hated Reborn. Because the baby (who couldn't be a real baby) caused chaos everywhere. Reborn brought in Gokudera, who was a walking explosive just waiting to go off. Reborn brought in Lambo who had a bazooka that broke the laws of physics and did time travel of all things. Reborn brought in Ryohei who broke down walls and caused so much property damage. Reborn brought in Hibari to spar against Tsuna (and Tsuna willingly went!). And then there was Bianchi, Shamal, the eat and runs, and just so many incidents that Takeshi was beginning to lose count.

But most importantly, Reborn corrupted Tsuna.

Like absolutely corrupted Tsuna.

"DO IT WITH MY DYING WILL!"

Takeshi buried his head in his hands before grabbing the bag of Tsuna's spare clothes. Once again, Tsuna was running around in his underwear. What kind of person did that for kicks and giggles?

Clearly the one who had an evil not-a-real-baby as a tutor.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

"Everything alright, Takeshi?" Tsuyoshi asked.

Instead of eating dinner, Takeshi was staring intently at his chopsticks, muttering to himself. Surely the potato wasn't that interesting nor could it have done anything to warranted that same focus Takeshi gave the straw dummies before he sliced them into pieces.

"I think tying Tsuna up and locking him somewhere safe is the best route," Takeshi announced. He froze as he realized what he just said, potato dropping from his chopsticks.

"Dad," Takeshi said with a note of fear in his voice. "If I ever say anything crazy sounding like that again, run me through my katas until I can't stand okay?"

Tsuyoshi laughed. "Very well."

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

"This is a bad idea," Takeshi remarked as they approached Kokuyo Land. They were walking into enemy territory with very little idea of what said enemy could do. In fact, the only things they knew (like the fact that Mukuro was a wanted criminal) should have served as a warning that a bunch of amateurs shouldn't be handling this situation.

Especially if Hibari already lost.

"Mukuro has kidnapped Fuuta, Takeshi!" Tsuna said with a pout. "We have to get him back!"

"You didn't have to come, baseball idiot. Juudaime and me would have been enough!" Gokudera said, puffing up with bravo.

Takeshi resisted the urge to pinch the bridge of his nose. They weren't going to listen to him. "No, you wouldn't have," he said. He turned to look at Reborn who had been oddly silent. "I hope you're planning to help."

Reborn merely smirked. "No, Tsuna is capable enough to stop Mukuro."

"And who is supposed to stop Mukuro's lackeys?" Takeshi asked. Reborn was the 'strongest' here, if his title was anything to go by and yet all he was going to do was sit back and watch? Why didn't Tsuna realize that this was dangerous?

Reborn's smirk merely grew wider. "You and the others."

Takeshi stared at him before squeezing his eyes shut. "I hate you so much," he said vehemently.

"You make perfect Guardian material," Reborn shot back.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

"We will be taking Mukuro back," the Vindice agent said.

"No," Tsuna said.

Takeshi sighed as Reborn tensed. Of course, this would happen. He wasn't even surprised. This was exactly what he was trying to prevent and now there was no turning back.

"Tsuna," Reborn started.

"No," Tsuna said more firmly.

"This is not up for debate," the Vindice agent said.

Tsuna narrowed his eyes. Takeshi scooped up a stunned Mukuro and took sheltered. He knew that look in Tsuna's eyes. This wasn't going to end well.

KABOOM!

"What was that?" Mukuro shouted.

The entire room had been blown away. Everything had been burnt into ashes, a deep trench over 200 feet long, stretching down the hill; trees gone and the ground charred.

"We're so lucky this isn't Namimori. Hibari-senpai would be so upset," Takeshi said.

"I… Tsuna shouldn't have this level of firepower yet," Reborn said, startled.

Takeshi gave Reborn a flat look. "I have spent the last six years trying to contain Tsuna's strangeness, guide him away from people like you and you have to go and undo all that hard work. On top of that, you have him firepower. This is like the puppy incident except ten times worse because now Tsuna actually has the ability to obliterate people."

"This is so cool!" Tsuna shouted. "Takeshi did you see that?" He bounced over to Takeshi, beaming. "I didn't even know it could do that!"

"That was untested?!" Mukuro yelped from the background.

Takeshi just sighed. "I saw, Tsuna. Please don't go crazy with it."

It was futile to ask, but Takeshi lived in the hope that one day Tsuna would listen to him.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

"Voi you shitty kid," Squalo said, leveling his sword at Takeshi. "Don't think you're going to win."

Takeshi looked at him, unimpressed. "It's Tsuna," he repeated slowly. Did no one actually look up what Tsuna did before Reborn arrived in Namimori? Their classmates alone could have told them numerous of ridiculous situations that Tsuna got himself into. "Even by some chance you beat me, your boss doesn't stand a chance against Tsuna."

"The fucking trash weakling?" Squalo said. "Xanxus will eat him alive."

Takeshi's eyes narrowed. Tsuna's craziness aside, Takeshi still didn't like it when people insulted Tsuna like that. Tsuna was strange yes, but that didn't mean people had to be rude about it. It was poor manners.

He flicked his wrist, Shigure Kintoki transforming. "I guess, I'll just have to treat you more seriously than I thought. _**Utsushi Ame!**_ "

Squalo didn't even stand a chance. The fight was over in a matter of minutes.

"So you can fight," Reborn remarked after the fight was done. "You're strangely hesitant, I wasn't sure."

Takeshi frowned. "That's because violence shouldn't be the first response, even if Tsuna needs all the protecting he can get." His eyes narrowed as he looked at Reborn. "You have a good plan to help Tsuna win his fight, right?"

"Tsuna said to leave it up to him," Reborn remarked. "It's a good sign that he is taking it seriously."

"... You left it up him?" Takeshi asked, paling. That… was such a bad idea on so many levels. He thought Reborn was supposed to be some sort of super tutor. Hadn't he figured out that letting Tsuna do things by himself was a recipe for disaster?

"It will be fine," Reborn said confidently.

No, no it wouldn't.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

There were screams in the air, specifically Xanxus' screams and Tsuna's deep cackle. Everyone watched the fight (if it could be called that) in various degrees of horror or glee.

"Where did he get the bombs?" Colonnello asked as a chain of explosions went off.

"Gokudera," Yamamoto answered, shoulders slumped in resignation. Next to him, the other Guardians cheered Tsuna on.

"Gokudera doesn't carry mustard gas," Shamal pointed out.

"Pretty sure he got that from Hana," Takeshi said.

"Kurokawa Hana?" Shamal asked in disbelief.

Takeshi pinched the bridge of his nose. "You have no idea how happy I was to learn that she had decided to be a lawyer instead of a biochemist." Hana as a biochemist was downright terrifying and it took many distractions on Takeshi's part to make sure Hana and Tsuna's schemes didn't work.

"Tar and feathers?!" Squalo shouted from his wheelchair. "What the fuck? Glitter bombs?!"

"Haru," Takeshi said with a touch of pity. It had been a nightmare on his part when Tsuna introduced Haru to him. Haru had access to supplies and no previous knowledge that one should limit the type of supplies Tsuna should have access to.

A machine gun went off in the distance. "Where did the machine gun come from?" Dino asked.

"Reborn's stash probably," Takeshi said.

"It's firing electric shock bolts," Reborn said. "I don't have anything like that."

"Now you do," Takeshi said. "Tsuna can modify anything." A giant robot dropped from the sky, crushing half the building. "And there's the giant robot."

"Why… why is there a giant robot?" Colonnello asked.

"Leftovers from the robot incident," Takeshi said. Two years ago had been a very trying time. Tsuna had, back then, made good progress on his dream to be a robot. To this day, Takeshi had no idea where Tsuna got the supplies, knowledge and skills to build a giant robot. For the sake of his sanity, he never asked Tsuna either.

Takeshi glared at Reborn. "I keep telling you, this is why Tsuna has to be watched constantly!"

Reborn just blinked, wordless.

Takeshi sighed. Well there was no turning back at this point. Tsuna was going to take over the world and reshape it in his image. Six years of hard work down the drain. The best Takeshi could do now was to roll with the punches, do damage control, and hope for the best.

They were going to need it.


	2. Chapter 2

Takeshi didn't know how, didn't know why, but he blamed Reborn for this. Possibly Lambo too. Either way, he did not appreciate to find himself in the future. He definitely didn't appreciate learning that Tsuna was dead in the future.

(He had so many questions and no one was answering them. Not to mention, examining the reasoning that probably landed them in the future, he really didn't like that thought process. It implied a level of ruthless in Tsuna that Takeshi didn't think was possible.)

Tsuna was strange, not cruel.

But still the future. The future where they're at war (and damn that was horrifying by itself) with another mafia family and Tsuna was _**dead.**_ Dead and with a plan that used their younger selves like chess pieces and Takeshi hated this with the passion of his soul.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

He may have vented most of his frustration on Genkishi.

For the record, it was a short fight.

Genkishi was down for the count by the time Hibari showed up.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

Then came the Arcobaleno Trials.

But mostly, Verde.

"You have got to be kidding me," Takeshi shouted. He shoved Tsuna behind him, sword leveled at Verde. "How many times do I have to tell you, stay away from Tsuna!"

Reborn blinked, confused. "How do you two know Verde?"

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

It was an odd twist of fate that Tsuna met Verde.

You could call it odd, if one considered the chaos theory in full effect to be odd. Personally, if asked, Takeshi would describe it as the stars aligning just right in a way that Tsuna got exactly what he wanted: someone who could teach him how to build robots and had the supplies to do so.

(To this day, Takeshi refused to ask how it happened. He could handle Dying Will Flames, babies not being real babies, even the mafia. He drew the line at giant robots.)

"Interesting," Verde said, pushing up his glasses. He hadn't expected his small detour to Japan to involve meeting a small child.

Twelve-year-old Tsunayoshi looked at him full of hope. Here was someone who could teach him how to build robots! This was such an amazing thing.

"Very well," Verde said. "Let me show you how to build a robot."

(Somewhere a chill ran down Takeshi's spine and he immediately scrambled to find Tsuna.)

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

"Impressive," Verde said. "I didn't think you would pick it up so fast."

It had only been an hour since he had begun his lessons and Tsuna had surprisingly picked it up with ease. There in front of them stood a ten-foot-tall robot. Sure it had been half assembled, but under Verde's guidance, Tsuna had completed the program and framework.

Voila, one giant robot.

"I can't wait until we turn it on," Tsuna said, bouncing.

They didn't get a chance.

" **Shajiku no Ame**!"

Takeshi burst onto the scene, placing himself in between Verde and Tsuna. "Stay away from Tsuna!" Takeshi shouted. He shoved Tsuna behind him.

"Hmph, and who are you?" Verde said.

"Takeshi, we built a robot!" Tsuna said, beaming.

Takeshi glanced at robot; a look of apprehension forming on his face. "I can't believe you actually found someone to teach you that," he said with a grimace.

"We're about to turn it on!" Tsuna said, smile growing even wider.

Takeshi panicked. "No Tsuna. That's probably a bad idea."

"But," Tsuna started with a pout.

Takeshi shook his head, panic growing stronger. "Tsuna, it's the same reason why you and Hana aren't allowed to partner up in our science classes anymore. We don't need another plant frenzy incident, or the KO incident. Hibari-senpai hasn't forgiven us for the jello incident yet either."

Tsuna wavered, hesitating.

Takeshi went for the kill, pulling out his trump card. "Please, Tsuna. For me?"

Tsuna folded like a wet napkin. (It was a powerful trump card, not to be abused lest it lose its power). "If you think it's that bad of an idea," Tsuna trailed off, wistfully looking at the robot. "Maybe next time, Verde!"

Takeshi glared at Verde. "Stay away from Tsuna!" he hissed, herding Tsuna away.

Namimori didn't need giant robots.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

"Verde!" Tsuna said, pushing himself forward and out of Takeshi's protective stance. "I finally found a good chance to power up the giant robot! It worked brilliantly and Xanxus didn't stand a chance!"

Verde smirked, light bouncing off his glasses. "Is that so? Excellent. Better late than never." He tilted his head, looking at the group. "Why don't I give you my seal, we'll skip the trial and we can build a bigger giant robot?"

"Sure!" Tsuna said with a wide smile.

"No!" Takeshi said at the same time.

"But Takeshi!" Tsuna wailed. "What do you have against robots?"

Everything! Tsuna's grand plan was learn how to build robots and then replace himself with one. That was the highest level of bad ideas ever! Takeshi liked Tsuna for Tsuna. Not because he was a robot!

"A giant robot does sound cool," Gokudera said thoughtfully. "I mean, we saw how it beat Xanxus. Maybe we can use them against Byakuran."

Damnit Gokudera. You weren't helping!

"Then it's settled," Verde said with a smirk. "Let's go build some robots."

"It'll be fine, Takeshi!" Tsuna said, reassuring his best friend.

Takeshi grit his teeth. No, no it wouldn't be. He vowed to destroy any robots built today. It didn't matter how much Tsuna cried. For the sake of his own sanity and for Tsuna's safety, all robots were being destroyed today.

He turned to glare at Reborn, still convinced that this entire nightmare of traveling to the future and dealing with these trials was the hitman's fault. "I have spent the last two years trying to keep Verde out of Namimori because he kept trying to kidnap Tsuna as his robot building assistant. I should have known that he was your friend."

Reborn scoffed, miffed. "Verde isn't my friend."

"When we're overrun by giant robots, I will blame you," Takeshi said.

Colonnello twitched. "You know, we should probably keep an eye on them. Make sure they aren't going overboard."

Finally! Another voice of reason!

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

"-then I had to spend all my time washing glitter out of my hair and praying the police didn't catch onto what Tsuna was doing."

Asari nodded sympathetically. "That sounds just like Giotto. There was a time where Giotto had this brilliant idea to break into people's houses to steal their left shoe. Don't ask me why or how, but their left shoe. And he somehow got Alaude to help him."

"You mean it's genetic?!" Takeshi blurted out.

"Looks like it," Asari said, patting Takeshi on the shoulder. "I don't even need to test your resolve. If you haven't run for the hills by now, I doubt you will later down the road. In fact, let me just give some pointers on redirecting your Sky's attention."

At least someone understood!

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

"The first boss of Shimon was betrayed by Vongola Primo and left him to die," Enma said.

Before he could continue, the entire room was slammed with Rain Flames. Everyone staggered, energy instantly drained.

"What is this pressure?" Adelheid asked, struggling to remain standing.

"First off, did you have to stab me, Kaoru?" Takeshi said, stepping into the room.

"Takeshi! You shouldn't be out of bed!" Tsuna called out.

"And let this insanity run rampant?" Takeshi shouted back. He turned back to the Shimon Family, the pressure of his Rain Flames increasing. "Second, you should check your history books!"

He still couldn't believe Tsuna was going through with this madness, but stopping Tsuna was always an exercise of patience, especially since Takeshi had spent the last several days in bed. Who knew what kind of plans Tsuna came up without Takeshi around to keep an eye on him? (Plus, everyone else was utterly useless in stopping Tsuna.)

And since Tsuna was determined to be a mafia boss, Takeshi had spent those last several days in bed, pouring over Vongola's many treaties and history books, taking note of allies and enemies. Asari had been a great help, popping out of the ring as Takeshi had loudly complained over the terms that some of the treaties had in place.

("Why do we have a treaty with Dino's family to send him ten baskets of apples and he'll send us back ten baskets of bananas?"

"Because Giotto liked banana bread and we had too many apples."

"...Really."

"Yes. You should see the strange treaty we had with Cozarto.")

Takeshi paused. "Unless this is about how you've been missing out about 200 years of cake and crossdressing opportunities. We can do something about the cake, but I'm not letting you take Tsuna out on crossdressing dates."

Enma blinked. "What?"

"Ask your ancestor!" Takeshi shouted. "If you're here about the cake, Shimon owes Vongola 200 years' worth of wine and crossdressing opportunities. Heaven knows what Giotto and Cozarto were thinking when they made that treaty."

"They weren't. They were actually quite drunk that day," Asari said, popping out of his ring. "And really, the crossdressing was for Daemon, not Giotto. He lost a bet with Elena."

Julie twitched in the background.

"...I can't believe I'm saying this, but Mukuro could pull it off," Takeshi said, glancing over at the Mist Guardian. Mukuro predictably flipped him off.

"Daemon made a pretty lady as well," Asari said agreement.

Julie twitched harder in the background. "That's not what this is about!"

Takeshi stared at him for a brief moment before turning to Tsuna. "Tsuna, did you go ahead with your Plan Celebration even though I told you not to?"

Tsuna, the only person still standing under the pressure of Takeshi's Rain Flames, shifted nervously. "Maybe…" His eyes darted back and forth. "It was a good idea, Takeshi!"

"Go ahead and push the button," Takeshi said.

Tsuna jumped for joy. "Really?"

"Is that such a good idea?" Asari asked.

"Controlled chaos is always the better choice," Takeshi said.

Tsuna pulled out a box with a red button promptly hitting it. As the giant robot burst through the wall, Takeshi ushered Tsuna out the door.

"Ehh? But shouldn't we stay to watch?" Tsuna asked.

"I'll buy you ice cream," Takeshi said. He didn't want to be in the room when Plan Celebration went off.

"Oh, okay!"

Explosions went off behind them.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

No one spoke of what happened in that room after Tsuna and Takeshi left. It did result in Reborn, scowling and firing real bullets at Takeshi who calmly deflected them.

"I hate you," Reborn said. His hair dyed a bright orange.

"Now you know how I feel," Takeshi shot back.

Enma had appeared several days later, sparkling in the sun from what Takeshi assumed was glitter. He apologized to Tsuna about the misunderstanding and left in a daze.

"Daemon appeared out of nowhere, swearing about how Giotto's craziness was genetic," Asari said, appearing a few hours of Enma. "I tied him up and left him to Giotto's tender mercies. Maybe he'll stop being a pain after this."

"I destroy my enemy by making them my friend," Takeshi said. "If Giotto is anything like Tsuna, that will be fairly easy."

"How long until everyone stops being angry at you?" Asari asked.

"I give it a couple more days," Takeshi said, flipping through his manga. He was hiding on the rooftop of the local department store. Tsuna was suitably distracted with a sniper rifle he had stolen from Reborn's stash. "I have Tsuna with me and I'm his favorite."

A crack followed by the crisp breeze of frost drew their attention. Takeshi blinked, looking at the now frozen bird laying across the rooftop.

"Did you just convert that into a freeze gun?" Takeshi asked.

Tsuna grinned, bouncing in excitement. "Yes!"

Takeshi looked up to the sky. "I shouldn't be surprised anymore. I shouldn't."

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

"So, let me get this straight," Takeshi said slowly. "There's someone, the Man in the Iron Hat, who picks Arcobaleno and he has offered a trial to return you back to your adult selves?"

Hah! He knew it. There was no way Reborn and his friends were real babies.

"Basically, yes," Fon said.

"And what happens to the rest of you?"

The entire room froze.

"Um, I guess we remain stuck?" Skull said.

"Hmm, and what happened to the previous Arcobaleno? Do you know any previous Arcobaleno who went through this trial and returned to their former station in life?" Takeshi asked.

Sometimes he wondered about the type of logic the mafia used. Surely these types of questions had to have been asked before.

"No," Reborn said with a frown. "No one knows any of the previous Arcobaleno."

See, Reborn was a jerk. (Which, again, Takeshi would never say to his face because that was rude. He was pretty certain Reborn knew that Takeshi thought of him though.) But that didn't mean Takeshi wanted him dead. That was the most likely end result of this trial.

(And Tsuna would crushed if Verde died. The others too, but Verde was still teaching him how to build even bigger giant robots.)

Well, there was only one way to handle this.

"Tsuna," Takeshi said, turning to his best friend. "You have my permission to improvise."

"Really?!" Tsuna gasped, tackling Takeshi in a hug. "Thank you, thank you, thank you!" He grabbed Spanner and Shoichi and dragged the two startled teens out of the room.

"Why did you do that?" Hibari said, jumping to attention, eyes wide.

The entire room grew quiet at the realization that Hibari was _panicking_.

Takeshi smiled serenely at him. It was nice when other people panicked over Tsuna's strangeness instead of Takeshi. Pulling out his phone, Takeshi fired off a text message to his dad to leave town for the next couple days. It was going to get dangerous in Namimori.

"VOI! What did you do?" Squalo shouted at Takeshi.

Everyone looked nervously at Takeshi.

"The last time I gave Tsuna permission to improvise," Takeshi said slowly. "We were working on a project for our Japanese Literature Class. We had to write a short story."

"Tsuna decided the best way to write a story was to acted it out in real life. For the record, our story was about aliens invading and zombies fighting back. There were tiny little drones flying around Namimori, firing lasers at people. He infected about 80% of our school with his 'zombie' virus. It was a warzone for about oh a week, absolute chaos. About one fifth of the town had been destroyed in the process, the hospital was packed for days and everyone gained a healthy dose of fear of Tsuna," Takeshi said mildly.

His smile grew wider at the look of horror on everyone's face. "We were eight. Tsuna didn't have the skills to build giant robots back then. Even what Tsuna did during the Sky Ring Battle won't compare. Even Plan Celebration wasn't that bad as far as Tsuna's ideas go."

"Oh my god," Colonnello said.

"You're kidding," Enma said, pale. "Worse than Plan Celebration?"

"Go and stop him!" Hibari hissed.

Takeshi checked his watch. Fifteen minutes had passed. "Well there's no stopping him at this point. Best to wait for the explosions."

"I'm starting to question your sanity," Reborn said flatly.

Takeshi refused to respond to that.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

Namimori was up in flames. Not Dying Will flames, but normal regular flames. The sounds of explosions drowned out the screams from of the civilians fleeing for their lives and a giant robot crushing buildings in the distance. Scouters flew around, blades whirling and lasers powering up. A cloud of blue glitter was launched into air as the giant robot launched its canon.

From the safety from a hill overlooking Namimori, everyone watched in horror. Hibari was knocked out by Takeshi's Flames, sedated as his beloved town was destroyed into pieces.

"What the fucking hell," Xanxus said.

"Reborn would have won by default if this was what Tsunayoshi is capable of," Skull said.

Takeshi sat sipping tea, watching the carnage unfold.

A pillar of Sky Flames rose to the sky before it crystallized into ice. The giant robot threw something in their direction, and seconds later, a pair of Vindice agents came flying at them. Takeshi slammed them with his Rain Flames, ensuring they're knocked out.

"How are you doing that?!" Lal demanded to know.

Takeshi gave her a flat look. "I have to keep up with that," he said, gesturing to the chaos.

"I think we should still be out there helping Juudaime!" Gokudera said.

"You're welcome to go," Takeshi said.

Another explosion, a crack of lightning, followed by a cloud of purple smoke rose in the distance.

"On second thought," Gokudera said, sitting back down.

"How long is this going to last?" Reborn asked.

Takeshi shrugged. "As long as it takes Tsuna to find the Man in the Iron Hat."

Right on cue, the Man in the Iron Hat came crashing into the ground in front of them. The pacifiers of the Arcobaleno began to glow before shattering into pieces, engulfing everything in light. As it faded away, gone were the babies and in their place, adults.

"We're back?" Skull said in disbelief. He patted his body down, not really believing it.

"Takeshi!" Tsuna came out of nowhere, holding a golden jar with seven glow flames. "Look, look! I figured out how to break the curse," he said smug like a cat bring home a dead mouse.

Takeshi patted Tsuna on the head. "Good job," he said.

"Impossible, how," the Man in the Iron Hat said. His disguise faded away, leaving behind his true identity, Kawahira.

"It's Tsuna," Takeshi said. Why no one believed him, he never knew. But maybe now after this incident, everyone will have a healthy dose of fear and respect for Tsuna. If people listened to him more when he warned them against Tsuna's strangeness, that was a good bonus too.

Most likely not, but Takeshi could dream.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

-Ten Years Later-

"Is it… always like this?" their newest hopeful ally asked.

Takeshi looked in the direction the don was pointing in. The wall of the living room was gone, the outside covered in a blanket of green snow. In the distance, Gokudera launched a bomb at Ryohei only for Ryohei to kick it up into the air. Before the two could react, a shot of Sky Flames came from the second floor, encasing them in ice.

"Yes," Takeshi said with a wryly smile. "You learn to roll with the punches."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahaha I wasn't gonna add another chapter but you guys fed the plunny enough so here we go. Careful Takeshi, it's a slippery slope -snicker-
> 
> Please leave a review on your way out

**Author's Note:**

> Read the post that inspired this fic over [here](http://seitosokusha.tumblr.com/post/161539765893/p-invent-a-random-au-for-any-fandom-we-always)
> 
> Please leave a review on your way out


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